Featured post

Three principles Life Coach Melissa Cohen

Brooklyn, NY

 

My name is Melissa Cohen, I am a licensed results life coach. I am also trained in Innate Health.

I have been learning and teaching for over six years. It was only natural to couple my training and experience in Innate Health, with life coaching.

I have seen and helped hundreds of people over the years. I help people reach their goals.  I specialize in helping people find their natural common sense and inner wisdom.

I teach you how to take control of your life back. I invite you to see that your well being and peace of mind, are not dependent on the circumstances or problems in your life. They are dependent on how you view the problems in your  life.

Once you start to see for your self ,that their are a wide variety of ways to handle problems that arise in your life. That the answers to those problems are within you, I guarantee you, you will have a better marriage, be a better parent, have better interpersonal relationships, make more money, and even loose weight.

What is innate health, and why does it help with such a wide variety  of issues

When learning Innate Health we focus on the role our thoughts play in creating our experience of our lives. We start seeing that depending on which thought I am thinking at any given moment that will be the feeling I have.

For example if your co worker comes in and blames you for a mistake that was made. The thoughts in your head could be saying ” the nerve of him, who does he think he is?” You would then feel angry, or the thoughts in your head could be saying, “I hope he isn’t going to get me trouble with the boss” ,You would then feel scared.

Same circumstance different emotion. So the question is what makes up our emotions, the circumstance or the thoughts surrounding the circumstance?

What we learn is that our thoughts and emotions play a much bigger part in our lives than we ever imagined.

We have helpful productive thoughts and or ideas, and we also have unhelpful, destructive thoughts and ideas.

It is possible to be fooled into thinking an unhelpful or bad idea is a helpful good idea. In fact most of us get mixed up all day long.

What we are going to learn here is how to tell the difference. Believe it or not it is not that difficult.

To simplify: If you are having financial issues, and you innocently choose to focus on your stressful thoughts, or your fearful thoughts, that is what you will feel.

You can choose to let those go and allow more helpful better thoughts or idea’s to come in.

Once we start learning how to recognize which thoughts to listen to and which thoughts to let go of, our lives change for the better.

What Makes Up A Healthy Relationship?

When I used to think about relationships, I thought it could only be between me and another person (for example: my husband, child, sibling, a friend, an employee, or employer).

As I started looking at my own relationships, I realized that there was a key relationship that I wasn’t including in my list. And that was my relationship with myselfand my own beliefs about what makes up a healthy relationship.

I used to be very concerned whether people would like me. I was always trying to make the right decision.

I was constantly worried about those things. I would try and protect the people I cared about, by not telling them that something they did bothered me, because I didn’t want to hurt them.I was also constantly putting other people’s needs before my own.

After finishing a conversation with someone, I was always nervous, because I was skeptical that they might have misconstrued something I said.

Does any of this sound familiar?

When people come to me to help them fix a relationship that is causing them pain in their lives, the first thing we look at is their relationship with themselves.

Why do we do that?

When weconsider ourselves justas equally important as others, we can make balanced decisions about how to treat or react to otherpeople when they do something we don’t like.

But if I think that the other person is more important than me, or that their needs come before my own, thenwe will have a problem.

Why?

Every person makes decisions based on their belief system. If our belief system is flawed, then the decisions we make will also be flawed.

How do I know if my belief system is flawed? Well, G-d or the universe,  has set up a very clear system that lets us know eachand every time we are believing in things we shouldn’t.

The system works like this:

If we are unhappy with our lives, then we most certainly have some belief getting in the way.

Let’s take this back to relationships. I bet that no one reading this doesn’t have at least one healthy relationship.

When I say,”healthy relationship,” I mean a relationship where you can say anything you want to the other person, and he or she won’t get offended or take it the wrong way.

You can tell that person “no” when they ask for a favor, and they understand.

With them, you’re not worried about doing the wrong thing, because they love youand will surely forgive you for any mistakes you make.

Basically, you can be yourself.

So, here is my question: What are you doing or thinking in this relationship that you are not doing or thinking in the unhealthy relationship?

Some common answers that I get to this question are: That person is normal. That person lets me be myself and say “no” if I need to. That person doesn’t judge me. That person doesn’t get mad at me. That person allows me to let my guard down. That person doesn’t expect so much from me…and so on.

All these answers have a common thread between them. That is, we believe that our ability to have a healthy relationship depends on the other person.

The truth is, that’s only half of the story.

A healthy relationship is made up of two people, with each person contributing 50% to it.

If I don’t like something someoneelse is doing, and keep it to myself, I will feel hurt or resentful. After all, I can’t change another person’s behavior. That other 50% of the relationship won’t change just because I want it to.

However, I can change my own part of the relationship. And that makes all the difference.

What I may come to realize is that I am harboring a certain belief about not being able to speak up or let people know my feelings. At this point, then, I can question that belief.

The way to fix this relationship might be to speak up where I previously didn’t, or alternatively, stay quietwhere I previously spoke up.

Each person has to look at what they are thinking and doing to see where they can make changes.

When you make those changes, you will see miraculous changes in the other person as well. This is a proven fact.I have seen it work in my life and in many of my clients.

This is a Must Read Testimonial From a Girl That No Longer Has an Eating Disorder, After Learning the 3 Principles

It started with a simple diet, watching what I was eating. I took out some carbohydrates, and started counting my calories.

I started because I wasn’t feeling so great inside, I noticed I had gained little weight.

As time went on because I was very depressed I started to realize I was still feeling very down, and I didn’t know why.

I tried a lot of therapy, but nothing really worked.

As I was feeling worse, I started to loose more of my appetite and a lot more of my feelings.

More time went on, I would restrict more food, not because I really felt it was going to help, but because I thought if I was thinner, I would have control over this one part of my life, and I would be happier.

Although my relationships were suffering with my family and my friends, I would always try and avoid eating which really hurt bad inside and out.

But I started noticing I couldn’t recognize myself or my personality. I felt I was watching myself from the outside,which felt so weird.

It got to point where me and mom, who where always best friends, had become complete strangers,which was so ruff because I loved her so much, I just had nothing in me to show it.

As time went on more food went out,  this went on for while.

There was a slight points were I had couple  of binges because I hadn’t eaten for so long.  That would go on for a Couple hours, which sucked and felt terrible.

Then I was starting to get little better, I had coughed up the truth about having an eating disorder.

I thought I was getting better which wasn’t really  true because I still felt really bad.

That’s when the exercise came into picture.

I thought to myself it helped me feel better before why not now.

But that was very false, because it went from one hour a day, every other day, to two hours, after  awhile I slowly approached three hours a day, every day, and still I felt like crap.

I also looked horrible,  I was pale, loosing hair, tired, grumpy, not getting enough back to my engine (aka my body) I was in full blown starvation mood.

After couple months of trying to trick everyone around me. I had felt more tired and looked worse and worse.

I felt worse on the outside and on the inside. I felt horrible all the time, I felt I had nothing to me.

I was seeing a counselor for around 6 months, but she wasn’t really helping me.

I now know the reason why it wasn’t helping, was because we focused on some on the actual issue instead of what was causing the issue, of my non eating in the first place.

My mom met, Melissa Cohen, and told her what was going on with me. Melissa said, she can help me.

My mom asked me if I would agree to see her, and be open to learning what she had to teach.

She told me she is not a therapist, or a counselor, she simply teaches this understanding called Innate Health. This understanding has helped many people overcome eating disorders. I agreed to go.

That’s when I first started learning Innate Health, with Melissa. The problem comes from the part of the body that you can also seek solution from which is your brain, or your thinking.

So yes maybe I thought eating was going to make me fat, or maybe I was just holding onto that thought, because it was the only thing I had control over in that time period.

It wasn’t real control it was me “thinking” I had control ,but like anything else our minds can be lovely but lethal.

I remember the first  day I started learning with Melissa.  I wasn’t so open to suggestions or seeing   what I was doing was very unhealthy.

I knew I felt very alone and one one could understand me.

I  “thought”  that only someone that went through this, would ever be able to understand it fully, because  it’s so beyond painful.

My stomach, my hands, even my feet, hurt  so much, and then they go numb.

There’s no one to talk to, its just you and that scale. You “think” the number is so painful which it really isn’t.

The only time it has control over you, is when you let your unhealthy, unhappy thinking takes over.

I had to start learning to to trust my “helpful thinking”.

Weather I could see it or not I was causing real problems in my body all because I wanted to be thin.

I thought it was going to make me happy. But being thin doesn’t change anything, expect for the way you look,it doesn’t change the way  you feel.

It becomes endless everyday your not happy, and every morning your  running to check your weight.

At some point I had an insight, and I saw, from a place of truth and wisdom, (that can only come from within me) That it might be possible, to eat and maintain my weight.

I said to myself “why don’t I try to eat healthy see what happens”.
So I tried it, and to my surprise I was just fine.

I didn’t gain much weight, but I was eating and feeling stronger, healthier, and happier than ever.

After proving myself wrong, and seeing that I can be happy and healthy and be OK, I then had another insight, which said “what’s the point in feeling sick everyday”.

They say seeing and believing can change you,so can letting go of really unhelpful,destructive thinking, and letting in, helpful, productive thinking.

It’s not positive thinking, its just understanding, you are thinking in the first place.

Your brain is very powerful it can play devils advicit with you.

I can’t say that I don’t still have thoughts about food and gaining weight because it will probably always be a in  a little part of my brain.

You can choose to focus on the better thoughts that are going to help you instead of hurting you.

Because once you help yourself g-d and everyone else around you helps.

I think it helps because you can go back to doing everything you love to do and and more.

I got all my confidence back. I feel like I am not hiding and lying to anyone around me anymore.

I began to feel like myself not this stranger.

I am definitely not saying it’s going to be easy, it’s  one of toughest things ever. I  battled with my entire family especially with my mom.

I lied about eating all the time when I was struggling for that year and a half.

Almost every day I struggle with some bad thoughts, but it’s a fight in your brain to pick the healthy thoughts verse the unhelpful  thoughts.

As I  began to listen to my better thoughts my life started to get better and fall into place. I feel like I was lost for so long. Learning Innate Health, helped me find myself again.

Don’t think your not going to struggle with those same thoughts, they will just become a lot less powerful, because you now have the ability to ignore those, and focus on better ones.

Your mind quiets downs so you don’t have to fight as much.

You begin to live again without any worries of hiding,or lying. You just focus on having fun and finding your way back, on your own track.

G-d helps all who help themselves,even if you think he is not there, he is always watching, giving us strength to take care of ourselves and those around us.

I am not going to say it’s easy because it’s not but it’s definitely worth it. I got my life, my family, my friends, and most importantly my Health back.

Watch My 4 Part Video Series on Building Healthy Relationships

Hi,
I have a special treat today.

People have been asking me about cultivating healthy relationships, and if the 3 principles can help with that.

My answer is a big fat YES

I have put together a 4 part video introduction series entitled “cultivating healthy relationships from the inside out”

Simply put your name and email in the form below and you’ll get an email with instant access.

Name:
E-mail:

I am also putting together an 8 week relationship workshop over the summer.

One is for ladies, and one is for High School Girls

Watch video 4 to get the details.

Sincerely
Melissa Cohen

Eating Disorders and The 3 Principles

I had the pleasure of teaching Innate Health to a beautiful young girl.

When she came to me, she told me she would like me to help her overcome or “cure” Her eating disorder, the girl was diagnosed with anorexia.

She told me she is  eating less than 500 calories a day and exercising 2 to 3 hours a day. She had been in and out of therapy for about a year and a half, but nothing was helping.

I told her I would love to work with her, but I do things a little bit differently.

I told her we are not going to concentrate on your “eating disorder” because you don’t have an eating disorder.  What you have is very simply, a thought problem, when you understand how your thinking works you will solve the thought problem, and you will start eating again.

I have been working with this girl for only 11 weeks and she no longer has a thought problem surrounding food. She is eating 1200 calories a day and she has lessened her exercise schedule to a healthy 1 hour a day.

On top of that, I watched as her confidence soured, she has started her own business, and she basically smiles all the time now. By just learning about the 3 principles her life has gotten better in every area.

Wow! How did that happen in so little time and without us talking about Anorexia?

The answer is any problem we have is a direct result of, believing our emotions come from anywhere except our own thinking in the moment.

When we attribute emotional pain to something outside of our selves, for example, I would feel better if, I were thinner, smarter, wealthier…

Then what happens is we try and fix those things, if we can’t fix those things then we may turn to self medication to help ease the pain.

Self medication can be anything from drugs and alcohol, to eating, not eating or shopping. Self medication comes in all forms.

The second we realize the pain we are having is coming from a thought in the moment, and that thought will pass on its own.

The more I won’t need to get rid of the emotion by outside sources, because I know that naturally without any help from me the thought and therefore the pain will pass on its own.

 

The Power Of Thought

I was asked to write an article on “the power of your thoughts”, as I sat down to write it, I felt stumped.

I first thought that I was having some kind of writer’s block, so I took a break for a few minutes, to try and clear my head. As I sat back down at my computer I realized the problem.

The problem is THIS , thoughts have no power. In case you didn’t get that, I am going to write it again in capital letters THOUGHTS HAVE NO POWER.

I am going to clarify that statement, thoughts have no power unless you believe in them, once you believe your thoughts they will look and feel real to you, even if they are completely false, and untrue.

Let’s talk about thought. What is thought? The principle of thought gives a person an ability to interpret a circumstance.

Let me give you an example,

your boss comes in and says something really nasty to you, you could have a few different reactions to this.

You may think how dare he speak to me that way, what’s his problem… and you would feel really angry,

or you could think, I am so stupid I must have done something wrong if he is talking to me this way, and you would feel insecure,

or you could think, he really must be having a hard day if he is acting like this, and feel compassion for him.

Same circumstance 3 different emotions and reactions. Which reaction is true, or the right one.

What I am suggesting is none are true and right, or all are. It depends on what thought you believe in, in the moment.

Let’s take this further,

the same person could have all those emotions regarding that same circumstance in a span of 20 seconds. How is that possible?

If there is truth to my reaction than only one of them should look appropriate to me, but that’s not what happens.

We have all had times when someone is mean to us and we are confused about what our reaction should be. We feel 100 different things in the course of a few minutes. I am going to ask the same question, what is causing the feelings the circumstance (boss yelling at me) or something else?

I am suggesting that it is something else, that something being our gift of thought.

How do we know we are thinking something? It will come with a feeling.

We can only feel our thinking not anything else.

You may say to me, but my boss really did yell at me,

I am not just thinking that, it actually happened. That is correct, your boss did yell at you. But all that your are feeling is your own thoughts about that.

And as I said before, thoughts are fluid they come in, and they go out, I will think many different thoughts in the span o f a minute, and I will feel every one of them.

Think of anger.

If you are angry at someone, you level of anger doesn’t stay steady you go from burning mad to angry to semi mad to back to very angry.

Circumstance didn’t change yet you are experiencing different levels of anger. This happens because your thoughts are shifting automatically, depending on which thought is in your head that’s the intensity of anger you will feel.

Thoughts are illusory by nature, most come and go, unless we give them staying power by believing in them.  Happiness, sadness, or any emotion you feel can’t happen on its own, try being happy without a happy thought or depressed without a depressed thought, you couldn’t do it.

Did you ever have a time when you where feeling really overwhelmed, right in the middle of your feelings of overwhelm, your husband walks in with flowers for you, and immediately smile and feel appreciative and love for your husband. My question is what happened to the overwhelm? Where did it go?

What I am suggesting is when you took your focus off your thoughts of overwhelm you stopped feeling overwhelmed. When you focused on your happy thoughts, you felt happy.

The “reasons” you felt overwhelmed are still there yet you where able to not feel overwhelmed for a while. You will start feeling overwhelmed again, as soon as you revisit your overwhelmed thoughts.

When I say thoughts have no power, I mean this,

to the extent that we understand that we are only feeling our thinking in the moment, is the extent that we don’t need other people to change or our circumstances to change.

My ability to be happy, sad or any emotion comes from within me, not from circumstances outside of me.

I am not saying that things don’t have to be solved.

What I am saying is that once we start to understand the role thought plays in our life, we will have a better ability to navigate which thoughts are true, and or helpful and which thoughts are unhelpful, and or destructive.

All thought once we believe it will look true to us, even if they are not, so how can I tell the difference? I am going to suggest that our emotions are the clue we need to tell us where our thinking is.

Anger, jealousy, resentment, depression… Those emotions are there to tell us, if we are feeling any of those things the thoughts and  ideas on how to handle that situation are not going to be helpful.

Let me ask you, can anyone say  they have ever solved a problem when their anger was talking? I know I haven’t.

On the other hand , if we are feeling love, curiosity, compassion.. those emotions  would be there to tell us, our thoughts and ideas are more helpful and productive.

Understanding that our thoughts are illusory gives us the power to not take all our thinking seriously, the less we take our thoughts seriously the less “power” they have over us.

If I don’t believe a destructive thought I will not act from it.

If I feel angry and the thoughts in my head are saying yell at your husband.

If I believe that thought I will probably yell at him.

But if I realize that it’s  just a thought, and I don’t have to listen to it, I may not yell at my husband, I may wait for a thought and idea that comes with a better feeling, and in that state of mind speak with my husband.

I can guarantee you waiting to solve a problem from a better feeling state is more conducive to actually solving the problem

 

 

 

 

3 Day Seminar in Brooklyn

Come experience what it feels like to quiet all the mental chatter in your mind. During these 3 days you have an opportunity to just calm down, relax, and breath. When that happens infinite possibilities open up. Sign up today and find out what I am talking about.

Would love to see you

Sincerely

Melissa Cohen

.

.